Cristiano Ronaldo isn’t going to quietly fade into the sunset. He wants to stop it and become the sun and the horizon. So, nearing the end of his celebrated career, he left his six-yard comfort zone and entered the unknown world of YouTube and reel-popping. He has flawlessly switched roles from a jet-heeled winger with rebellious curls and graceful stepovers to a slicked-haired, goal-machine centre-forward who is the stuff of football legend.
But this may be the most difficult part of his evolution: It’s not about attracting “SIUUUbscribers” or getting viewers to click the “like” button, it’s about avoiding becoming a parody of himself.
Just hours after launching his channel, UR Cristiano, he broke a world record by becoming the fastest channel to reach 1 million subscribers (in under an hour). In four days, that number has ballooned to 42.5 million, a goal-scoring rate that would make his boots blush, and surpassing rival and contemporary Lionel Messi (who has just 2.31 million followers). Perhaps the Portuguese legend thinks he can topple YouTube’s king, Mr. Beast, who boasts 312 million subscribers.
Portugal’s Cristiano Ronaldo reacts after scoring in a penalty shootout during the round of 16 match between Portugal and Slovenia at the Euro 2024 football tournament in Frankfurt, Germany, Monday, July 1, 2024. (AP Photo/Matthias Schroeder)
Ronaldo, as the world already knows, is not content with anything less than the top spot.
But before you even open your browser, you’re probably wondering what it’s all about. There’s no goal he’s scored that YouTube hasn’t saved. There’s no story he’s told that YouTube hasn’t documented. No trivia or gossip, no technique or tantrum, no praise or vilification, nothing escapes the public eye. Few sports figures are as famous as he is. And yet, you may have an anxious curiosity about what new personalities his channel can unearth, what sides it can reveal, what aspects of his meticulously studied personality it can reveal.
Or perhaps a truly fascinating rise from poverty to fame and evolution as a world-conquering footballer, complete with anecdotes and insights? Or perhaps a look at his rivals, managers, colleagues or the mountain of goals he scored? Ronaldo is such a vast subject that one day, if the academic bug bites, you could even study him himself.
But viewers will have a little idea of โโwhat to expect. There will be a lot of me, my, me, boasting and self-praise in the videos, that much is certain. There are enough hints even before you click on the first video in the chronological order: the title is unimaginative (are you ready to check out my YouTube channel?); the video features Ronaldo yelling out jokes like a pantomime drug lord sitting on a golden throne or a cartoon gangster.
Soccer – Euro 2024 – Round of 16 – Portugal vs Slovenia – Frankfurt Arena, Frankfurt, Germany – 1 July 2024 Portugal’s Cristiano Ronaldo scores a penalty in the shootout REUTERS/Heiko Becker
For now, that’s exactly what this stream is about. For those enthralled by his charm and lifestyle, and entertained by the celebrity couple, he introduces his wife Georgina and quizzes them on what they know about each other, in the form of a cringe-inducing quiz entitled “Discover All About Us. Who Will Win?”
Me, myself, myself
Maybe he’s putting sports and serious aspects on the back burner as creators build audiences with different content offerings. After all, you’ve been consuming Ronaldo as a footballer for the whole century. Just then, an entry pops in: “This is how I overcome adversity in life,” complete with muscular biceps emoji. It should be insightful, but to astonished eyes it lasts just 44 seconds. And to stunned ears, the most hackneyed line is heard. The setting is a press conference room, and the sentence he utters seems to be an excerpt from a press conference: “I think everything that happens in life happens for a reason. I have no problem saying that I had bad periods in my career.”
Regrets? “I don’t think there’s time for regrets in life. Life goes on. You learn from life. Whether things are going well or not, it’s part of your evolution as a human being.” The scene cuts to a real match, where Ronaldo is fouled (a minor challenge), hits his head and clearly overreacts, repeating a line that makes no sense in the context of the foul: “When you’re at the top of the mountain, it’s hard to see what’s below.”
Soccer – EURO 2024 – Group F – Portugal vs Czech Republic – Leipzig Stadium, Leipzig, Germany – June 18, 2024 Portugal’s Cristiano Ronaldo reacts REUTERS/Lisi Niesner
This is how he overcame adversity, cutting to the core of his struggles (poverty, bullying, preaching). How does he handle the pressures of being Ronaldo? “Responsibility,” he pauses to explain. “I’m the most watched man (in the world, planet, galaxy, whatever), so I have responsibilities.”
If Ronaldo ever tires of asserting himself, his wife Georgina will take over, for example: “Like everything you do, I think this is a promising project that will definitely be successful. With your commitment, the magnetism you have and the curiosity you elicit from your fans and the whole world, success is guaranteed. I have no doubts.”
After his wife arrives, his son, Cristiano Ronaldo Jr., shouts: “Cristiano Jr. challenges me with a free kick!” There’s no room for guessing who won; if it’s a son’s thing, the father is better. The son reappears during a game of paddle tennis in a cage near the Red Sea, where all you can hear is “vamos,” perhaps fitting the clickbait title “The Bernabรฉu… Pressure… 90,000 People.”
Luckily, these videos (20 in total, but growing daily, just like his goals) aren’t agonizingly long, ranging from 24 seconds to 3 minutes and 24 seconds, and at the end, the words from one of his videos ring in your ears: “Oh, what a mess!”