Raising children in the smartphone era is like taking a test with no correct answer.
We now know that too much screen time can have a negative impact on children’s mental health, brain development and behavior.
But it’s summer. School’s out. Work needs to get done. The kids are driving you crazy. Is it really so bad to let your kids spend all day on their devices sometimes?
Yeah, that’s not a very good thing. In fact, it ranks high on the list of “things you shouldn’t let your kids do” these days, right up there with encouraging them to get into cars with strangers and poke raccoons in the eyeballs.
How much screen time is too much for a child?
The warnings are well-founded: Experts around the world agree that too much screen time is harmful to kids of all ages. The U.S. Surgeon General has called for social media sites to carry warning labels similar to those for tobacco and alcohol, saying the platforms can be harmful to young people’s health, especially their mental health. Schools across the country are moving toward outright smartphone bans.
The same experts give a long list of things not to do.
Do not allow young children under 18 months to use screens except for video calls with family. Do not allow children under 5 years old to use screens for more than an hour per day or interact with anything other than “high quality programming.” Do not allow children to use technology unsupervised, unsupervised, or indefinitely. Instead, “co-watch” or watch and interact together. Do not allow children or teens under 13 to use social media apps (per the US Children’s Online Privacy Protection Act (COPPA)). Do not use gadgets to calm down a cranky child (the list goes on)
Why do so many parents ignore screen time warnings?
Screen time woes are real, and they tend to get worse in the summer. And that list of “don’ts” just doesn’t work. It’s not because we don’t want to be great parents, it’s because it’s often just not realistic. Work, chores, and the everyday chores of life don’t stop after birth. As a result, many parents allow more than double the recommended screen time and then feel very sorry about it.
“Patients feel scared and guilty, but they don’t know what else to do,” says Dr. Michael Ricci, director of the Digital Wellness Lab at Boston Children’s Hospital.
Compared to the screen time guidelines, the reality is a bit more disturbing.
According to a national survey by Common Sense Media, children under the age of 2 consume nearly an hour of digital content every day. On average, children ages 2 to 4 watch 2.5 hours per day. According to a poll of nearly 6,000 parents conducted by Aura in partnership with Gallup, children ages 8 to 18 spend a total of three months online each year, averaging six hours online per day. Teens spend an average of 4.8 hours per day (or nearly 76 days per year) on platforms like TikTok and Snapchat.
The bottom line is that technology is now a fundamental part of our culture and will continue to be, kids are going to use it, and parents need to take the lead and teach them how to use it “properly.”
“I think we need to look at all of these devices as powerful tools and ask ourselves, ‘Are these being used to help our kids be smarter, healthier and kinder to each other?'” explains Dr. Rich. “I think what we really need to do here is understand the power of these devices – the good and the bad – and use them in ways that help us raise happier, healthier kids.”
What’s a well-meaning parent to do?
First, take a deep breath and forgive yourself for losing the instruction manual you received when you became a parent, then put down your gadgets and pay attention to your kids.
“Be there. If your child is staring at their phone, they’re not getting the attention they want,” adds Dr. Rich. “Interestingly, one of the pretty disruptive questions I ask my patients when their parents are not in the room is, ‘What can parents do more?’ And almost without exception, the first thing out of their mouth is, ‘Pay more attention to me.'”
Put away your devices, go outside and play.
“Free play is the work of childhood.”
Growing up in a small town in Alaska with no screens, I would build giant driftwood pirate ships and spend hours alone playing with them, fueled only by my imagination and, occasionally, my dog, Pepper. We need more of that.
Free play, “unsupervised, unconstrained by rules or competition,” is a part of childhood, according to Dr. Rich, and it’s a critical time in a child’s life for making sense of the world around them and knowing how to behave in it.
Another great piece of advice is to look at a primarily screen-free summer as an opportunity – a blessing – rather than a curse.
“This issue shouldn’t be approached as a battle over whether to have a phone or not, but as a conscious effort to think about the opportunities kids will have over the summer that they don’t have during the school year,” explains Dr. Rich. “It’s important to shift our perspective from what we’re doing right now, which is relying on screens, to what kids can do with this time that they wouldn’t normally be able to do, like going to the lake or going for a bike ride. When kids actually get away from their phones, they feel relieved. They feel better and more peaceful.”
Set up cell phone-free zones and stick to them. No phones at the dinner table, no devices in the bedroom. These are non-negotiables, just like a 10-year-old can’t down tequila at a bar or go on road trips in a Tesla. This isn’t a tantrum-throwing demand; it’s the law. (Actually, it’s not, but you should be prepared to abide by it.)
Not all screen time, or even all devices, are created equal.
Thirty minutes of PBS Kids is not the same as mindlessly binge-watching whatever random YouTube algorithm spits at you, and an hour spent on TeachTap, the learning “TikTok,” is far more likely to give a teen a sense of accomplishment and confidence than TikTok itself.
In my next column, I’ll look at gadgets, programs, and healthier screen time options for kids.
Jennifer Jolly is an Emmy Award-winning consumer technology columnist and on-air correspondent. The views and opinions expressed in this column are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of USA TODAY. She can be reached at JJ@Techish.com.
