Did you do a double take when you read this title?
That’s what I thought the first time I heard it, and I’ve come to respect its wisdom as it encourages me to live in the present moment.
But that’s easier said than done, especially for those of us who are planners. After all, if you don’t plan ahead, how are you going to get anything done?
The elusive concept of balance comes into play, and planning genes tend to get out of control.
I did the same thing a few years ago when I went on a cruise. When my itinerary for the next day arrived under my cabin door, I immediately grabbed it and considered all my options. Not wanting to miss anything, I would schedule back-to-back activities and often leave one early to get to the next.
I was finally brought back to reality when my husband, John, and some of our longtime friends on the cruise pointed this behavior out to me.
Live in the moment
We’ve all heard about the power of the present moment and the benefits of “living in the now”—benefits that range from lower blood pressure to a richer tapestry of life.
I don’t think any of us choose to dwell on the past or worry about the future, but our minds are often filled with these distracting thoughts.
Sometimes it takes a wake-up call like a life-threatening illness or accident for us to “get it.”
Cartoonist Bill Keane said, “Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That’s why it’s called the present.”
Perhaps we would feel more satisfied if we heeded these words. When we feel depressed, we are most likely living in the past. And when we feel anxious, we are most likely living in the future.
past and future
So much of it is rooted in pain from the past or fears about the future, and as a result, we rarely ever feel fully focused in life.
One of the biggest reasons we don’t live in the present is because we never shut up. We’re always talking to ourselves.
Philosopher Alan Watts said, “If you talk all the time, you’ll never hear what other people have to say. In the same way, if you talk all the time to yourself, you’ll never listen and you’ll never face reality.”
It’s all in your head
“All fear resides in memory.” I remember hearing this phrase at a seminar, and it really hit me.
According to Dr. Rajeev Kurapati, our minds are constantly torn between two opposing tendencies: First, we fear the inevitable consequences of tomorrow, which may be “unknown” and potentially dangerous and frightening.
On the other hand, on the other side of today, there is a strong urge of hope – the hope that tomorrow will be better. Our minds waver between fear and hope. As a result, the mind dances between these extremes, always searching for a natural resting place.
This can be exhausting, so how can you solve this dilemma of a constantly confused mind?
Becoming Mindful
This is where the concept of mindfulness, or cultivating the present moment, comes in. Practicing mindfulness allows you to observe your thoughts and feelings from a distance, without judgment.
John Adams once said, “Anyone who knows himself can step outside himself and observe his own reactions.” But most people achieve such clarity only for a moment.
According to author and national broadcaster Dan Harris, being mindful helps us to accept our thoughts as they are, rather than grasping at them or pushing them away. Instead of living life unlived, we open ourselves up to a richer experience.
Mindful people are generally happier, more energized, and more at ease. They tend to have higher self-esteem, less ego involvement, less chronic pain, and stronger immune systems.
Don’t believe everything you think
Thoughts are just thoughts, you don’t have to believe them or do what they tell you to do.
A while back I learned a technique that helps me: when anxious feelings arise, tell yourself, “I’m having thoughts that I’ve labeled as sad, anxious, etc.” and let them be. Acceptance is the key.
I also use some simple questions I learned from author Byron Katie as touchstones to help bring myself back to neutral:
n How do we know that is true?
n What evidence do you have?
What other explanations could there be?
You are not your thoughts
Do you feel distracted and fragmented on a regular basis? You’re not alone.
We often fail to appreciate living in the present because our “monkey mind,” as Buddhists call it, causes us to jump from thought to thought like a monkey jumping from tree to tree.
If you just “get through” the work week, waiting forever for the weekend to arrive, you’re wasting 71% of your life (5 out of 7 days). That’s terrible!
taste
You may be familiar with the book and film Eat, Pray, Love, in which author Elizabeth Gilbert travels for several months to Italy, India, and Bali to heal from a painful divorce.
Gilbert talks about how we unconsciously miss out on life. She writes about a friend who, whenever she sees a beautiful place, exclaims in a panic, “It’s so beautiful here! I want to come back someday.”
“It takes all my persuasive powers to convince me that she’s already here,” Gilbert says.
We can get so caught up in thoughts of the future or the past that we forget to experience and enjoy what is happening right now.
Psychologist Sonia Lyubomirsky, author of The Laws of Happiness, elaborates on the concept of savoring, or engaging your senses with whatever you’re doing in the present moment: Savoring helps you stay in the present moment and not worry about what’s not there.
When her study subjects took a few minutes each day to savor activities that they would normally rush, like eating a meal or driving an errand, they began to experience more pleasure and fewer symptoms of depression.
“Wherever You Go, There You Are” is the title of a book written by Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn, founder of the Stress Reduction Clinic at the University of Massachusetts Medical School, and a pioneer in the field of Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR).
Research shows that anchoring your awareness in the here and now reduces the impulsive behaviors that underlie depression, overeating, and attention problems.
Mindful people can hear negative feedback without feeling threatened, they become less defensive and therefore have more satisfying relationships.
There are many easy ways to quiet your mind. You don’t have to sit cross-legged and chant mantras for 30 minutes. Try these simple solutions:
n Nature: Go for a 5-minute walk
n Candle: stare into the flame for 2 minutes
n Breathe: Close your eyes and take 3 deep breaths.
n Music: Listen to 3 minutes of calming music
Notice
Have you ever been driving down the highway and suddenly realized you had no memory of the last 15 minutes? Maybe you missed your exit. Or maybe you were reading a book and lost focus, forcing you to go back to the page multiple times.
These autopilot moments are what Harvard psychologist Ellen Langer calls “unconsciousness” — a state when you’re so absorbed in your thoughts that you’re not aware of your current experience.
According to Langer, the best way to avoid these blackouts is to develop the habit of constantly noticing something new in any given situation, a process that helps you stay focused on the present moment.
Once we think we know something, we stop paying attention to it and become ignorant. Your morning commute leaves you in a daze because you’ve walked the same road hundreds of times.
But the world is always changing, so challenge yourself to notice new things. When you realize you don’t know something you previously took for granted, the act of noticing becomes an adventure.
The more you notice, the more you see, and the more alive you feel.
Have you arrived yet?
Here’s a key insight: Mindfulness isn’t a goal, because goals are about the future, but it does require setting the intention to pay attention to what’s happening in the present moment.
As you read the words printed on this page or screen, be aware of your sensations and your breathing as you absorb the information and savor the experience.
If you are aware of this emotion right now as you read this, then you are living in the present moment.
Poet Emily Dickinson said, “Eternity is made up of now.”
In the words of singer Olivia Newton-John, “Get vertical.”