Source: Screenshot / TikTok @Drunkatthepre
Gay Twitter roundup: “Very discreet”, “Funniest TikTok”, “Umami” foreskin
X (formerly Twitter) is the gift that keeps on giving. Keep scrolling, and it keeps on giving. Sometimes the app gives us jokes that become part of our daily conversations, and other times it whets our appetites for hot celebrities we didn’t even know existed five minutes before we picked up our phone. Other times it gives us continuous deep dives into the celebrity gossip that captivates millions all week long. And it often gives us videos that will make you laugh out loud, even if you’ve seen them countless times before. All of this and more is in this week’s Twitter roundup. Let’s take a look.
This week in gay news: our pets are doing the “Apple” dance, we hate Joaquin Phoenix, someone has done an important job of translating straight men’s phrases into more recognizable forms, and we can’t stop watching this video of this man doing the most intense “Hot to Go” dance of all time.
Have you heard “Die With A Smile” yet? Have you seen the video? There are people in X who say this song may bring about world peace. “Kids will sing this song at graduations and weddings and funerals,” they say. Lately, some girls have been pointing out to me that when they’re offering me snacks of 2-minute songs, I have Bruno Mars and Gaga to thank. They told us, “Come on, my child, you need a full meal. You need a ballad that’s over 4 minutes long.” And they made it happen!
Dig into our favorites from the “very modest” trend sweeping the country. What’s a low-key train trip like, sitting between two hot guys with their thighs comfortably spread apart? Why did this guy curse our eyes with a low-key version of the Brat album cover? Will we ever look at this iconic photo of Shawn Mendes and Dwight D. Eisenhower and not think, “so modest, so attentive?” The “D” in the former president’s name may have once stood for “diva,” but life moves fast. This week it definitely stands for “modest.”
And for those of you who are (rightfully) tired of seeing the word “quiet” on your timeline across every social media platform, know that you should at least rejoice that it has had a genuine positive impact on queer people. Jules Lebron, the woman who made the advice-sharing video, said that the success of the video has helped her afford the rest of her transition costs. If this news has you suddenly not caring about that cheesy little “so caring” caption, we understand.
While it may seem like everyone was feeling low-key and cute on the internet this week, we were still pretty horny. From watching gymnast workout videos to making collages of Taylor Swift’s arms, there’s always something for gay X to crave. Sadly, we can safely say that the phrase “the natural umami of foreskin” can never be erased from our hearts or souls. All we can do now is accept that it exists in our world. This truth applies equally to “Baby… That’s the Governor.” And we have to admit that the lyric “I wrote in my notes app that I want a bisexual man’s dick” (shockingly inappropriate in the video, but hilarious out of context) is the best.
What TikTok makes you laugh just thinking about it? The ones you have saved on your phone for when you’re feeling emotional or need a distraction. The ones you stop and watch whenever they come across your timeline, and still laugh out loud after the twentieth time you’ve seen them? Is it the guy who “contaminated” a crime scene with glitter after using his healing priest powers on an actual corpse he found while larping in the park? The sorority girl who defends her gay best friend after he was kicked out of her boyfriend’s fraternity party? The guy who acts like an influencer while filming a video in his car with his friends, eliciting an astonishing, unforgettable, and totally infectious laugh?
Check out, we present them all (and more!) for your enjoyment:
Finally, there’s the tweet that imprints a very specific, ineffable, niche emotion on our brains and forever changes our concept of something that was previously unremarkable. Suddenly, election interviews become Variety’s actor-vs-actor series, watching dinner tables in furniture stores forever spawns improvised dramatic monologues, access to HRT becomes access to gender that used to be behind a pay wall, and we’re rewriting history to include Ebenezer Crews.