So you’ve fallen for a girl. Yay! Congratulations! It’s pretty rare these days to find a decent Christian girl who isn’t engaged, about to be engaged, or married.
So what do you do? Stalk her Instagram, check out every photo going back to 2019, slide into her direct messages and ask for her Snapchat username, right? You already know what her response will be: “No thanks to me, dawg.”
From a woman’s perspective, the “sneaky DM approach” is a strategy that rarely works. You may think you’re the exception to the rule, but I assure you you’re not, so don’t do it. But to be fair, in this age of social media-driven dating, it’s hard to read between the lines.
Here are some of the best tips for approaching the woman you really like.
1. Smile and make eye contact
You’ve decided to take the plunge and talk to her. Great! Don’t stare at your feet the whole time. Don’t fidget, as this will make her feel like you need to go somewhere else. Make good eye contact and smile genuinely while she’s talking to you, so she’ll know if you’re really listening.
2. Find common ground
Is she a Miami Dolphins fan, too? (Probably not.) Maybe you both like chai lattes and bad reality TV. Find something you have in common and start the conversation from there, even if it’s just something like, “Hey, I’ve read that book too, what do you think so far?”
It’s okay if you don’t have a lot in common. Listen to what she has to say and ask her questions. For example, “You grew up in Florida? That’s amazing. Have you ever thought about moving to a colder climate?”
3. Make her laugh
There’s a saying that if you can make a girl laugh, she’s yours. That’s not necessarily true — some of us are masters of the “sympathy laugh” — but it’s true: if you can say something funny enough to make her actually laugh, there’s a good chance she’ll be more attracted to you than she was before. But the key here is to not try too hard. If you have to work hard to be funny, there’s a good chance you’re not funny.
So, if you’re not a fun guy, stick to casual conversation.
4. Treat her like a human being
Don’t stumble over your words or act all weird; you’re just stressing her out and probably making her feel uncomfortable. Stay calm. Instead of saying, “Um…hi…what are you doing tomorrow?” say, “What time are you having lunch? I was thinking about grabbing coffee at that new place across the street after church, do you want to join me?” If she’s interested in you, don’t hesitate. If she says no, don’t push.
5. Be honest and sincere
You’ve seen her at church the past three Sundays and still haven’t said anything. Be brave and say something like, “Hey, I’ve seen you a lot lately but I can’t remember your name. I’m ____. How are you?”
It’s not creepy at all and comes across as friendly above all else – and you can then move into a casual conversation from there.
It’s probably not as creepy as you think it is, so use your common sense and don’t DM her!